When we think of wanting to do something we should not do, the “damage” is already done, right? Might as well do that thing, right? Otherwise our actions would be hypocritical, right?
It’s a concept that can be extended to any type of relationship…sentimental, friendship or familiar. A practical act is a result of a thought (usually)…for example if a betrayal happens it’s because first we thought we would do it and if we decided to do it, we have already betrayed. Right?
The key point of the argument is: the betrayal..where is it? If we did or just thought something that it meets our needs and our essence…why the relationship with others should change? In fact, I would see the treachery against ourselves when we force ourselves to suppress what we feel sincerely to do.
Honesty hurts .. but I don’t think it makes sense to repress ourselves.. and we should instead follow the flow of our essence and let it carry us.. If what we do is what we perceive as more in tune with ourselves at that moment, why it should be “wrong”? Of course I’m talking about lifestyle choices that are not going to severely damage people that are involved… but, when we find our balance, repressing ourselves would mean altering this balance and pretending with ourselves and with others! I don’t know…maybe I have in my mind an utopian vision of universal love and sincerity difficult to understand and accept…
And it’s not about to listen to the head, to the heart or to the stomach. I believe the head, heart, stomach, liver, feet, pinky etc. work together because if the stimulus is not generated by everything that is part of us, physical or abstract it is, then it’s not what we want really to do. Mind and body are acting in sync..
For learning about ourselves and the stimuli that our body gives and receives, we can and we often have to “use” others. We are all available to everyone. And we mustn’t be afraid to do so for fear of hurting someone.. I would assume that no one can hurt us if we don’t want it and blaming others is cowardly and for insecure people.. We are responsible for ourselves and our sufferings, as well as our happiness.. All the people we meet are “tools” in the evolution of our lives and our personal growth…and each of us is a tool for the others, who are friends, lovers or simply passers. This thought should not offend anyone because it’s a thought that includes all of us..indeed it should make us rejoice that a world of people, relationships, experiences and sensations awaits us everyday_wherever we go_whatever we do. If our way of doing or thinking hurts someone who relates to us it’s because there is something unresolved in the person to whom we are relating.. This thought does not justify our actions, not at all…ourselves in our life we meet someone whose words or actions could cause us suffering and not being able to avoid it, but we can work on ourselves and on our ability to make us impervious to negativity. Obviously we can choose to mold us and act in a calm and gentle way in order to avoid any kind of suffering to others but ,at least in my opinion, it does not depend entirely on us… No coincidence it often happens that we act with good faith and we create suffering.. why? Regardless of who is or is not the culprit (this is a separate chapter), our suffering is avoidable or at least manageable…by ourselves. Blaming the generator of suffering certainly does not help us. This doesn’t mean ignoring our actions…we cannot do it, but we can ignore those of others… And for ignoring I don’t mean underestimate or not caring about them, but being aware of their insignificance and negativity.. We should not generate negativity but above all, do not let the negativity of others to creep into us..
Often generating suffering creates suffering in ourselves and this often occurs regardless of the importance that the “victim” has for us, as when we make good actions and we feel rewarded regardless of who is the person who receives our good. Between all of us reigns a subtle and profound empathy and it’s difficult to cultivate positive empathy by removing the negative one.
At the base we don’t endure that the men need pain to learn, to learn about life (like when you fall and you hurt yourself, or you hit a wall and just at that moment you realize that you have to avoid that thing). But the pain is curable when we have the right knowledge that makes it less suffering.. We all have a sadistic side (without which our goodness wouldn’t have raison d’etre)… and there are those who can keep it at bay, there is those who fear it, there are those who pretend to not have it, but there are those who worship it.. By the way:
it’s not what we live that creates in us joy or pain, but everything resides in how we live.. And to quote a friend of mine from Senegal “doesn’t count what you see with your eyes, but what your eyes look.”