None of us is a perfect human being, but we are perfect in our completeness.
In which sense?
In the sense that everyone has got the necessary tools to achieve his/her completeness.
Then… why do we always feel somehow incomplete? Why do we rush so much searching things and people that can complete us? What do we really miss?
Actually we don’t miss anything, but the problem lies in the fact that we always feel that we miss something.
For example, if our stomach gives us a nod of emptiness, we run immediately in search of food and then we eat and keep eating as if there wasn’t any tomorrow. We don’t even give too much importance to what we are eating, because what matters is that we fill our sense of emptiness! Sometimes we are not even hungry, but it’s just our feeling of incompleteness that let us feel hungry and let us believe that we can fix that gap with food ….YUM, YUM, YUM!
Also, when we feel alone and incomplete, we always run to do shopping, but we don’t understand that it is only our wardrobe that gets filled while our soul empties more and more …BUY, BUY! It’s nice occasionally to buy something as a gift for ourselves…but what usually happens is that we sell our soul to those objects by transforming ourselves into objects as well.
The same thing often happens with our heart. If it gives us the slightest feeling of suffering or loneliness, here we are running immediately in search of affection, love, friends, lovers…and if it doesn’t work, we dive into alcohol, drugs…..SPLASH! Is it really our heart to speak to us, to lie to us?
If we perceive a light feeling of deep silence, we rush to call a friend on the phone, to switch on the TV or listening to music. We always need to communicate or listen to someone or something to talk with, to be listened by….BLA, BLA, BLA!
Do we really need to fill us in this way or rush so desperately in search of something or someone to fulfill us as soon as possible? And, most important, do we really feel satisfied after? Did we really solved this lack? We probably believe we did it for the first few seconds, minutes or days…but then what?
Then we find ourselves panting again and looking for something else…and so on forever. We suffer, we run, we try, we find, we rejoice, we lose, we cry….we suffer again, run again, try again..and so on.
The problem is that as long as we continue to look outside for the solution to this feeling of lack, we will end only to find ephemeral and illusory solutions.
Where is that instead we do have really have to look?
Within yourself. This is the only answer. It is not easy at all. It’s not easy because the outside always seems so beautiful and bright, while the inside is dark and things do not appear clearly, then, it’s frightening. It is not easy to sit with yourself, in front of yourself and “talk”. And the only way to really talk to you is to be silent. There are answers that only silence can give and, as darkness, silence scares. Yes, it scares because it could be suddenly interrupted by something unexpected. Yes, it scares because it leaves us naked in front of the mirror of our soul. Being naked scares. Being naked, in silence, in the darkness of ourselves, scares. Not everyone has the courage to do it, and many of those who embrace the challenge, midway take a step back frightened and find themselves back to square one. It is not easy, but after every climb there is always a descent.
Today’s society has grown in the philosophy of NEED. We grew up as incomplete beings that always NEED something or someone to be complete, happy and completely happy. Everything is now advertised and sold to satisfy our needs…
“SELLING EMOTIONS” was the headline of a newspaper article that I read about ten years ago…
Everything and every person has a particular and special role in our life, but everything and every person has to be seen as a means of enrichment and expansion and not erroneously as a means of completion…as a need! There is nothing outside of ourselves that can complete us; however there is an immense variety of experiences and people who can enrich us.
It’s hard to accept it. It’s difficult to be “self-sufficient”. It’s hard to really love yourself without feeling the need of external confirmations, without giving too much importance to others’ opinions, without having always a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold onto. Nowadays you can just look out the window, watch the TV or walk in a shopping center to find yourself inundated with “pre-packaged solutions” full of additives that “suicide” your soul.
We don’t need it!
If we meet on our journey, people who give us love and serenity, we must be happy and thankful for that… but we must also see it as a very nice meeting, as a fabulous time of sharing…and nothing more! We meet people but do not belong to each other, never. Nothing and no one can complete us, but only enrich us. Nobody can fill our sense of emptiness, because this would be like seeing the other as a physical object to get stuck into yourself, like a puzzle piece missing, and leave it there forever…impossible!!! Not even the real objects can complete us…how can they complete us anyway? They are OBJECTS!
In this path within yourself you must remember one thing:
In order to achieve your inner peace it’s not enough to find refuge on your own peaceful island. Knowing how to be alone with yourself is an unmistakable quality but it must not be confused with the only way of resolution. Who has really reached a state of balance with him/herself is the one who has managed to find a balance with him/herself, with the surrounding reality and, above all, with him/herself in this reality. Reality that includes a host of things, situations and people…many of which often create unease to us. Inconveniences that willingly are our best teachers of life, because they put us to the test and turn on in us the alarm and the desire of resolution.